Why wait?

Depression is real. Pain is real. Why wait for things to go out of hand to help a person? Help someone before its too late.Prevention is better than cure: this doesn’t apply to some diseases. Depression is a disease. People need help; we all need help. Why withhold help that you can give to a person in need? What do you benefit from being stingy? A little bit of help here and there can change the life of someone for the better. Help is not only in the form of money.

People nowadays don’t need money to fix their problems. People with problems need a shoulder to cry on, they need a listening ear, caring arms and warm welcoming smile. They need to be treated with kindness. People need help. It makes me feel better when l listen to other people’s problems. l may not be able to take away their pain away but the thought that l have taken a part in their healing process gives me comfort. When you listen to a person’s story, you learn a lot about life. Learn to help other people. Being heartless begins with not caring for the next person. The time that you think is too important to you and you can’t have it wasted will be taken away from you one day. Time is not our creation, it’s a gift given for a reason. And the reason is not to use it to live but also give that time or spare it for some other people than yourself. Don’t ignore a person in need of help. It won’t hurt to spare a few minutes and listen to someone and give them encouraging words. We were created and made to live in one world and universe for a reason. It is a sign that we have to learn to coexist; we need each other. We need each other, we feed from each others strength! Living in isolation is okay for the sake of maintaining peace, but when someone needs your help, how do you maintain that peace knowing you ignored a person you could have helped? Why wait for someone to be depressed? Why wait for someone to be suicidal? Some people cry in silence, but eyes talk. Don’t ignore, assist with the little you have. It doesn’t hurt!

No one knows

It took me growing up, learning and understanding some things about life. l used to be angry at the world and my parents for not teaching me some staff like how to heal a broken heart. To be honest in this world we live in, it is essential that we know how to do things like that. l have great parents to be honest and l love and respect them. They taught me how to walk, talk and behave like a lady; they taught me independence and supported every crazy dream l had in my head. But healing a heart break- l never had that lesson! When the time came for me to deal with a heart break, none of them intervened; you can imagine my anger now! It trippled!

But now l understand! Yes, it’s true that some lessons you learn them on your own. Especially when it comes to healing one’s heart, its something you learn to do on your own. Counselling and therapy help you find ways to heal your heart. l have discovered that what people know and have are theories on how to heal a broken heart but it doesn’t mean it will work in everyone’s life. It is just a theory- the probability of a theory to work when applied in real life situations sometimes is very very low- too low!

Here is the thing, no one knows how to heal a broken heart. No one has the actual steps on how to do it! No one knows the process. What someone can do is provide attention that you will need while healing yourself. And there is no such thing as he or she mends another person’s heart. l find it hard to believe. Healing a broken heart is a personal task. What a second person can do is be there for you; which might or might not work again. There are just times when you want to shut the world out or switch it off like a light bulb- when you have a broken heart. So don’t be angry like l was when every one watches you in silence while you roll in the pools of sadness and brokenness. It is not that they dont see it. The world is anything else but not blind or deaf! People see your pain but there is just that kind of pain that can never be taken away or made better by words. Healing, for me, it took finding myself again, it took me discovering who l was. l spent my whole life living like a projected image of others and their expectations. When my heart broke, l needed me, but because l didnt even know who l was, it was tricky. It took me a year to understand that my parents were there for me always, the world was watching in silence even if they all wanted to help; but the big elephant in the room is that no one knew how to help me. No one knows how. Why? you might ask. Hearts differ from one individual to another, and that is a well known fact. So there is no manual guide written on how to do it as if we all have one heart.

l remember being told a lot of theories, one being, l quote,

” You need to talk to someone and get help!”

Let’s analyse that statement a little. First of all, as much as l wanted to talk to someone, l couldn’t. You know why? When you are in an emotional pain, normally it is very difficult to translate pain into words. It’s not like physical pain that needs the attention of a good doctor and strong medication! How do you do that? It is not just a matter of saying how l feel- l have to process the emotions which, on the other hand, magnifies it even worse because reality of what is going on sinks in deeper! Secondly, what help? How do you help a broken hearted person? Put in mind the fact that not every word spoken really takes the pain away. But the reason why people try talking to you when you are heart broken is that they hope it will make you feel better. But does it work all the times? What if the words of comfort makes a person feel even worse? Thirdly, and lastly, talking about it makes a person vulnerable to judgement. Yes l know we are regularly told not to be afraid of judgement because the world is full of judges and juries. But when you have a broken heart, fear drives you more than any other sense of reasoning- you might be afraid and you dont even know it! You get scared of being put under the microscope. Eyes talk; judgement is not about the said words. l repeat; eyes talk!

What are some of the theories you heard too when you had a broken heart? What did or do you tell a broken hearted person? How effective is it talking to someone? Does it always work? l think all it takes is finding, accepting, understanding, loving and appreciating yourself. It is all on you not the second person-not all the times! Maybe l see it this way because l did it on my own. Correct me if l am wrong, how do you heal your heart? How did you heal your heart? Does the talking always work?

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Thank you for reading through and the follows and likes. l really appreciate it and you are important to me! Feel free to like and share your own point of view on the posts and suggestions of anything you want to talk about are allowed and accepted. Feel free to tell me your story too! We learn from each other; l am willing and ready to learn from you too.

Warm regards.

Questions

Its funny l am writting this because l will be contradicting myself; the only way for me to express what l want to say is by asking questions. We all go through a lot of things in life right? Some things happen in life and we don’t know why. There are times when we don’t ask questions depending on the relevence of the situation and the damage caused. Then there are just those situations or incidents that makes us question why or we need an explanation but we never get them. l was just wondering to myself for a long time now. It’s just unfortunate that this time l did very little research to get different views so hopefully l will get to know how you see and feel about this. Okay my question is, if you are given that answer to the questions or question you have about what ever it is that hurt you or was done to you or that happened, would it make it any better? Isn’t it not better not to know some of these things? What if the knowedge is overwhelming and you end up hurt and more confused than before? l have experienced a lot of incidence where l help different people with their problems and situations. They all seem so desperate to know why and they all think its better to know why! Hey! What if it complicates the whole situation more than needed? What if it makes the whole journey worse? l mean, you could end up regretting knowing the reasons why!See thats the problem; once you hear somethings, you can not ask a person to take it all back or tell your heart to unhear it! So sometimes before you ask why, think first if you are ready to handle it. Reason holds a lot of truth, the truth is very complex to embrace and might even cause more damage. So maybe, just maybe, you need to prepare yourself first to hear the truth. And let’s be honest here, you can never prepare yourself for the truth because no one knows its effects except the person who holds the answer!

l am not saying you should feel comfortable listening to lies.No! Believe me you, being lied to is worse than accepting the truth. But this is me just saying: are we really prepared to here the answers to the questions we so desperately need? Or will it kill us? l think at times the reason some things remain a secret, is for our own good. Not that l am saying it is okay to remain in the dark. There are just situations that should remain a secret.

So l asked a few people and they expressed how they felt about asking questions- their responses were interesting actually. l quote,

“Sometimes when you ask questions you open doors to lies which is even more irritating than not knowing the truth; depending on who is being asked and the situation in question!”

Now l am wondering, is it our emotions that drives us to ask why when we should not?

Another said, “It is said let sleeping dogs lie for a reason! Sometimes you are told the truth and it will hurt more than a person who is living in darkness!”

What do you think? Do you want to know? Is it about rights to know? What if you get hurt? Will it be worth it? Before you say it’s better to know and get hurt than to live in darkness, are you sure you can handle the pain? How certain are you that it will not be your doom? Questions! Enlighten me!

LET THIS SINK IN

Read this over and over again until it sinks in. Re-read until you believe it. Do not stop until the words become you, until you become the words; until you and these words are one.look in the mirror and say them to yourself if you have to. Say them until your eyes reflect these words back at you.

“l am not a possession.

l am a human being. l was not born to be someone’s toy. No mother on earth was designed and chosen to give birth to a child who will be used to satisfy other people’s greedy hearts and needs.

l deserve the same affection, love, happiness,, kindness that l give to others! If there is no two way connection then l deserve better and can walk away and l dont owe anyone an explanation. Every connection that l have with anyone should be fruitful! l am not a machine, l bleed, l have a heart that beats and breaks just like anyone. It is my duty to protect my heart; l owe that to me!

My feelings and life are not a play ground for greedy, self centered people.

l deserve respect, l deserve love and if l do not get them, then l will respect myself enough to give myself the love that l deserve!

Loving, respecting, cherishing myself does not make me weak; l am a strong person.”

l do not get oxygen supply from anyone in this world;it is grace that sustains me!

l am strong; l am independent; l am important; l am unique!

My existance makes this world unique; l was created for greater things other than being someone’s toy.

l am more than what people see; that is why l can not see what l am either because the greatness in me is too much for my mind to process and capture! It is my uniqueness that led to my existence!

l am not a possession designed and purchased to satisfy other people’s needs. l am a beautiful, unique human being with a heart, created to live a prosperous, peaceful, lovely life!”

Turning tables

If tables would be turned on us, how would we feel having all those negative things handed back to us? We have things that we do to other people,negative things that we do intentionally. We make other people feel out of place, sad, useless; we take other people’s confidence! What ever it is that you do that steals someone’s happiness, if that happens to you too, how would you feel? In case you are wondering what l am saying, let me try to give an example of something that l noticed in my hometown. Guys or man in my hometown and country, well some of them, feel like they have the right to get attention from any lady that passes in their paths. Everytime a guy meets a girl, he calls her; when she doesnt respond, the guys say provocative words that takes away the girl’s self esteem. Why would you insult her just because she doesnt want to tolerate you? She probably saw that you are just trying to waste her time and decided to carry on without entertaining you. Then you feel offended- yet she is the one who should feel offended by your efforts to waste her time. Its not every girl who enjoys being hit on all the times by all the guys. Just because we are girls it doesnt mean we want any and every guy to hit on us. Yes, there might be loose women that you might have met in your life; but that doesnt mean every woman you meet is loose and enjoys having men torture them.

So that was just an example of the negative behavior that some men have towards women. What other negative things do you do that takes a person’s happiness away? What is the reason or reasons for your negative behavior? After a discussion with some ladies picked randomly, they gave me possible reasons in relation to my example as to why men behave like that. One said, l quote, “Guys dont know how to accept and deal with rejection!” So guys, l will not ask why you cant deal or accpet rejection; if my suspiscion is correct and please do correct me if l am wrong, its about your ego! But still even if you are not able to accept rejection, it doesnt give you the right to take out your anger on her. Man up and go your way; she wasnt created to stick around, give you attention where and when you need it. You only have that one woman who will give you her all and tolerate you. l understand that just as there is only one man for me who can complete me with his imperfections, there is also that one woman for you who can tolerate you and not feel offended. PLEASE NOTE not every woman was crated to do as you like and vice versa. Stop harrassing women; that is if its happening in your area too. If you are the one doing it, stop it please. If that harrassment is done to you too, how would you feel?

Another lady said, l quote, “Some of these guys do what they do just because they dont know how it feels being treated like that!”

Lets be honest, if in your heart, you feel like you deserve to be treated like a king or queen, behave like a king or queen! A king or queen doesnt go around harrassing people! A true king or queen respects others. This goes to anyone who has been doing anything to anyone aware of the damage you are causing; you dont know how it feels, you just know the feelings that you causing. If you are made to feel the same way that your victim is feeling, you wouldnt do what you are doing! Stop please! Whether you are bullying someone at school, work or in your community; Stop it! Whether you are harrasing someone on social media or in person; Stop it! You wouldnt enjoy it if all that is done to you too. if you dont have a heart, remember this; the next person you are looking at has it and he or she has feelings!DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO DO TO YOU AND FOR YOU”

What other things were done to you that took away your self esteem? What ugly comments were said to you? Ladies are capable of hurting others too! We have the tear her or him down syndrome. No one is competing with you- stop hurting others. If you know you dont have good words to say, put water in your mouth and hold it in; dont swallow it until that edge to say ugly words has passed! Dont be the reason why someone puts on a mask and hide!

Pain

Do you get tired of being used? Do you get tired of being hurt? Sometimes l think we get used to the pain too much, we begin to think its the right feeling to feel and thats how its meant to be. l always say this and l will say it now, no one deserves to be in pain, any kind of pain! But this does not mean that we never get hurt! Pain always come; and the problem is when it does, we conclude that its the right of pain to exist in our lives! How do you avoid pain? There are some situations that we can avoid and escape pain! But some of these things we go through, no matter how right your decisions are, you get hurt. Then it appears as if you are being punished for making those right decisions! l hope this does make sense. Personally l once found myself in such situations where l did everything right but ended up regretting everything l did, thinking maybe l should have done this the other way; just maybe the out come could have been better. Lets be honest, in everything we do, we try to protect ourselves from pain consciously or unconsciously. But, this is just a thought, what if that need to protect ourselves all the times is the reason why we are in a world soaked in pain? What if we are meant to just lay low and let things flow; stop this defense mechanism against pain? What if that desire to protect oneself is the mother of selfishness? Then in the end we hurt each other in an attempt to protect oneself! We sacrifice someone else’s feelings over our own! What if we are meant to stop that? How will we ever heal when we dont know the root cause of the pain? What if what we do is exactly what we need to stop doing? We say we want to protect each other and stop causing pain to others. We hold campaigns where possible and necessary, in order to protect each other from pain. But is that all it takes to take away the pain? A painful life is a difficult life! What should we really do to make it all stop?

My good heart will get me killed or leave me alone

l have to be honest with you. l am scared! l am afraid to face the future, l guess you can call it the fear of the unkown; l have it. l am scared to be the person people expect me to be! l am scared of the things that l will face in my future. l really wish l could do it but l feel like l dont have the courage and strength to do it. This world is selfish, self-centered. Isn’t we are all beings striving for our personal satisfactions and we will do everything to get what we want even if it means poisoning hearts? Who was created to please another person and consider others above oneself? l have been through enough pain to know that, honestly, noone cares and if there is someone who does, out of fifty people, one person truly does care. l am a girl in pain, hurt, abused, disappointed, used, heartbroken, humiliated. l don’t intend to spend my whole life in pain like this. But then again how do you run away from pain when we live around people on a mission to attain personal satisfaction? lm bound to get hurt, broken, used over and over again whether l want it or not. Commitment! l am l committed person, dedicated, submissive, considerate! All this makes me weak! Its not my fear but the good heart that l have gets me hurt over and over again. We all want to be loved and cherished. Suprisingly, we all want that same love we give in return but we rarely get it back. You give a cookie and you get poison in return. That’s what is going on! l am scared and tired. l want to but l am afraid. How should l let go of the fear that l developed for commitment? l don’t know how to cheat, but l am scared of commitment! l dont know how to let another person in! l could let in another stranger hiding a dagger to stub my heart! Fear is not my weakness, my good heart is! l am afraid that maybe one day my good heart will lead me to my death or leave me in solitude. People take advantage of it all the times and they have their way with me. l trust too quickly by nature and no matter how much or how many times l am hurt, l never learn. l know you might think l haven’t been hurt strong enough for me to learn my lesson. With a good heart, it doesn’t work like that! A good heart somehow heals itself and boom just like that, we are back on the road again, giving people chances that they don’t deserve. l thought maybe if they keep hurting me, l would eventually lose my heart but no, it healed everytime and l am left to live with the fear. Help me if you can; l have built a wall around my heart. l shut people out. l pretend to feel what l don’t feel. l pretend to be whom l am not! l do what l have to do to please a person so that you just leave me alone. Truth be told solitude is sometimes toxic. l cant help myself, l need you! l have taken my mask off…

My thoughts

Have you ever thought about it this way? Sometimes the broken things are the right things we should keep closer to us. Its not always the case where what’s right for us to fight for and keep is intact. What am l saying? Some people that we want to keep in our lives, the people we want to have in and as part of our lives dont necessarily have to be whole people with no imperfections. A broken person can be the right person for you. He or she just needs to be made whole by you, by your presence in their broken lives. Bear in mind that once upon a time they were whole like you. There is danger in breaking a broken person. Already the person is hurting, so why cause more pain? Why be the reason someone’s heart is bleeding rivht now? How do you live with yourswlf knowing you hurt someone yet at the same time you expect other people to treat you better? Think twice! And then again, at times some broken people are just broken beyond repair. How do you help a person like that? Living them alone is not a solution! If you are the broken one, how do you want people to help you? l believe being broken is not a comfortable state. l hate to see people broken and l wish l could protect people from the pain they feel on their hearts. l just wish l knew how to help people who suffer in silence!

Take off the mask

look in the mirror! Observe what you see! Understand it but dont judge! Dont let the fear you have lead you into doing the wrong things. Just keep looking in the mirror! You see pain, regret, fear, anger, bitterness, scars! Dont let all that scare you. Everything you see is what makes us more human than savages or animals. Everything that you are looking at makes you stronger than you think you are. Dont allow your fear cloud your judgement of yourself. l hope someone hears me! You are stronger than you think. The world would sieze to exist for a moment without your courage. Dont put on that mask; smiling when you should be crying. Dont pretend to feel what you are not feeling. We have walked around with masks on for too long. It breaks my heart to say this. Why do we put on masks and pretend as if everything is alright? Why are we afraid of being judged when nomatter what we do, people will remain people; judgement is all they know to pass? Why do we judge others as if our lives are perfect? We are imperfect beings striving for perfection; a perfection that is inattainable! Just stop! Stop living your life to please others! Stop putting on a mask to protect others from seeing the wounds that you carry! If there is someone who needs protection, it is you not them. What you need is not that mask but help from people who sees you as you are and accept you. Take of your masks! Pretending to be what you are not will never make you the strongest person alive. Pretending will only kill you before you die! If you are in need of help, get it! The world is messed up! We all walk around, chests out, chin high, crazy smiles on our faces! We have problems we cant fix, emotions buried within us that were not dealt with, hatred, bitterness! You can never embrace pain and learn to live with it! Pain is like acid, you can never convince yourself that swallowing it will make the thirst go away! It will consume you and its not worth it. You cant let it go unless you share your problem and get help. For once please take off your masks and get help. Taking your life is not the solution, the easiest solution is getting help! There is not a single person under the sun who can not be helped. Just because the person you thought could help you failed doesnt mean there is no help for you. Please listen to me, take off that mask and stop being like the world. It exists and survive centuries infinity by wearing a mask. Take it off just for once.