It took me growing up, learning and understanding some things about life. l used to be angry at the world and my parents for not teaching me some staff like how to heal a broken heart. To be honest in this world we live in, it is essential that we know how to do things like that. l have great parents to be honest and l love and respect them. They taught me how to walk, talk and behave like a lady; they taught me independence and supported every crazy dream l had in my head. But healing a heart break- l never had that lesson! When the time came for me to deal with a heart break, none of them intervened; you can imagine my anger now! It trippled!
But now l understand! Yes, it’s true that some lessons you learn them on your own. Especially when it comes to healing one’s heart, its something you learn to do on your own. Counselling and therapy help you find ways to heal your heart. l have discovered that what people know and have are theories on how to heal a broken heart but it doesn’t mean it will work in everyone’s life. It is just a theory- the probability of a theory to work when applied in real life situations sometimes is very very low- too low!
Here is the thing, no one knows how to heal a broken heart. No one has the actual steps on how to do it! No one knows the process. What someone can do is provide attention that you will need while healing yourself. And there is no such thing as he or she mends another person’s heart. l find it hard to believe. Healing a broken heart is a personal task. What a second person can do is be there for you; which might or might not work again. There are just times when you want to shut the world out or switch it off like a light bulb- when you have a broken heart. So don’t be angry like l was when every one watches you in silence while you roll in the pools of sadness and brokenness. It is not that they dont see it. The world is anything else but not blind or deaf! People see your pain but there is just that kind of pain that can never be taken away or made better by words. Healing, for me, it took finding myself again, it took me discovering who l was. l spent my whole life living like a projected image of others and their expectations. When my heart broke, l needed me, but because l didnt even know who l was, it was tricky. It took me a year to understand that my parents were there for me always, the world was watching in silence even if they all wanted to help; but the big elephant in the room is that no one knew how to help me. No one knows how. Why? you might ask. Hearts differ from one individual to another, and that is a well known fact. So there is no manual guide written on how to do it as if we all have one heart.
l remember being told a lot of theories, one being, l quote,
” You need to talk to someone and get help!”
Let’s analyse that statement a little. First of all, as much as l wanted to talk to someone, l couldn’t. You know why? When you are in an emotional pain, normally it is very difficult to translate pain into words. It’s not like physical pain that needs the attention of a good doctor and strong medication! How do you do that? It is not just a matter of saying how l feel- l have to process the emotions which, on the other hand, magnifies it even worse because reality of what is going on sinks in deeper! Secondly, what help? How do you help a broken hearted person? Put in mind the fact that not every word spoken really takes the pain away. But the reason why people try talking to you when you are heart broken is that they hope it will make you feel better. But does it work all the times? What if the words of comfort makes a person feel even worse? Thirdly, and lastly, talking about it makes a person vulnerable to judgement. Yes l know we are regularly told not to be afraid of judgement because the world is full of judges and juries. But when you have a broken heart, fear drives you more than any other sense of reasoning- you might be afraid and you dont even know it! You get scared of being put under the microscope. Eyes talk; judgement is not about the said words. l repeat; eyes talk!
What are some of the theories you heard too when you had a broken heart? What did or do you tell a broken hearted person? How effective is it talking to someone? Does it always work? l think all it takes is finding, accepting, understanding, loving and appreciating yourself. It is all on you not the second person-not all the times! Maybe l see it this way because l did it on my own. Correct me if l am wrong, how do you heal your heart? How did you heal your heart? Does the talking always work?
Thank you for reading through and the follows and likes. l really appreciate it and you are important to me! Feel free to like and share your own point of view on the posts and suggestions of anything you want to talk about are allowed and accepted. Feel free to tell me your story too! We learn from each other; l am willing and ready to learn from you too.